My Prince Charming: 6 Years Later

2011
08.31

In light of our recent anniversary celebration, I’ve been thinking so much about the man I married, and why I am even more crazy in love with that man today, than I was 6 years ago, when I made a promise, in front of God, our family and close friends, to spend the rest of my life by his side!

This may be more for me, than for you. But for these reasons, and so many more, I am blessed:

He honestly thinks about me and Brighton before he thinks about himself. This has been the most humbling part of being married to him, because as selfLESS as he is, I’ve learned how incredibly selfish I am. Truly, he puts my needs above his own.

He knows me! He knows exactly how to handle me when I’m stressed, or what to say to me when I’m feeling embarrassed or self-conscious. He knows what I truly love and don’t, even when I try to fake like I’m really into something. Like when I tried to act like I loved dark chocolate, but really was just pretending because I know it’s better for me and I want to like it. He knew, so he bought me a milk chocolate treat instead! He knows me, I think, better than I know myself! It really is incredible! When he anticipates a really hard day for me, he makes sure to do something special. I had no idea how hard it would be to pick up our daughter’s ashes, but he did, and made sure I had a new pair of shoes to come home to. Some days I’m just in awe of how he knows exactly what I need, or exactly what I need him to say!

He tells me how pretty I am. Looking back at old photos, at the height of my weight gain, I’m so embarrassed at my appearance, and yet, during those months, he still told me constantly that I was “hot.” I have never once had to question whether or not he was attracted to me because he’s either telling me, or he’s showing me–reaching for my hand, putting is arm around me or hand on my back, or pulling me in for a tight hug!

He makes me laugh all the time! He’s funny, that’s for sure. But we also find the same things funny–like the recent morning when this guy couldn’t figure out how to get an automatic door to open. We got a big chuckle out of that one!

He is so appreciative of everything I do! When the kitchen is clean, he thanks me for it. Last night, I’m so embarrassed to admit, but I once again had a craving for not only box macaroni and cheese, but hot dogs! (I made sure to get the ones free from crap and we had wheat buns, but still!). So dinner was crappy mac and cheese, hot dogs and canned green beans (another recent craving). And yet, he thanked me for cooking dinner! He doesn’t take any efforts I make–as insignificant as they may seem, for granted.

He is an incredible father! Wow, he is amazing with Brighton. He makes Brighton laugh like no one else can! And he’s constantly wanting to play with him. He also insists on doing bath-time and bedtime. In recent months, it’s a bit of a necessity because I am so sick, especially in the evening, but he’s been wanting to do bath/bed since the beginning! He feels that since he’s gone at work all day, he wants as much quality time with Brighton as he can before it’s bedtime. I love this! He cuddles with Brighton, sings to him, tells him constantly how much he loves him, and they’ve even developed special hand-shakes:) Watching Lee with our son, makes my heart melt! I love my husband in a whole new way since we’ve become parents.

He would rather be home with me and Brighton than anywhere else! Seriously, I have to suggest opportunities for him to get some time with his guy-friends. He likes his friends and he likes doing things, but his favorite thing is us.

He can admit when he’s wrong and apologize. Unfortunately, he’s almost never wrong. But if he is, he comes to me as soon as he realizes and apologizes profusely! This is the second most humbling thing about being married to him: I am almost always wrong (I don’t think things all the way through the way he does), and when I’m wrong, I try to explain myself instead of just saying, “I’m so sorry!” I’m the world’s worst apologizer and acceptor of actually being at fault.

He’s sensitive. He understands if my feelings are hurt, and doesn’t try to down-play that. He is also so sensitive to our daughter’s death–so much so, he chose to get her footprint tattooed on his arm. I don’t have to hide hard days, because I know he’s still grieving, too. I think we grieve differently, but the fact is, he’s so sensitive, that I don’t have to pretend I’m strong–he gets it and is sensitive to me.

He’s an incredible listener. I hate the stereo-type that men are bad listeners. My man is a better listener than I am! He actively listens to me–like gives me his full attention and really hears what I have to say. This is yet another reason why being married to Lee is so humbling!

He’s a great gift-giver! Because he’s such an incredible listener, he gives the best gifts. He knows exactly what I’m going to love, even if I don’t! This gives me a lot of pressure, because he’s honestly a better gift-giver than I am! I think that’s because he’s a better listener than I am!

He doesn’t really care to watch sports. He gets the rules of the games, and if it’s a big one, or involves the Seahawks or Boise State, we might watch, but it doesn’t rule our lives. If it’s a nice winter day, then we’ll be outside snowshoeing rather than inside watching a game. But if we’re invited to a football party, we can get into it and have a blast! I just love, though, that our lives don’t have to be run by what game is on.

He is so good to me! He always leaves a card or note for each night he’s going to be away from me. He’s extremely romantic–planning an incredible 5 year Anniversary Celebration in Spokane last year! Complete with a stay at the Davenport Hotel–where we used to dream of one day staying! He’ll suggest picking up my favorite foods when I’m pregnant so I don’t have to always be cooking while I’m so sick. He’s just so, so good to me!

If you would have asked me on my wedding day, why I was so in love with Lee and was sure I wanted to marry him, I doubt the above reasons would have been on my list. I might have mentioned his humor, but even I didn’t realize at the time, just how funny the day-to-day of life would be and how much more Lee and I would end up laughing together. I’m sure I would have mentioned something about him being romantic, but I had no idea how romance would translate into the everyday life and that it would be an even more amazing transition to just, “he’s so good to me.” The reason I am so blessed today, is because of how much we have grown together, and how much of a good man he has proved to be. For all the listed reasons, and so much more I discover, daily, I love Lee! And because of my unfortunate perspective, of knowing how truly fragile this life is, I will not take him for granted! I know how blessed I am!

 

BBQ Pork Marinade Everyone will Love!

2011
05.11

My girlfriend just had a sweet baby boy! I volunteered to bring her dinner tonight! This is actually her third, so I wanted to make something that could be appealing to kids and adults, that wasn’t another casserole. It was an incredible day today, perfect for barbecuing! We had a pork tenderloin, so I quickly threw together this marinade (and as always, measurements are guesstimates:):

1 cup of orange juice

2 tablespoons of agave nectar (brown sugar would be a great substitute)

1/4 of soy sauce

1 tablespoon of sesame oil

1 tablespoon of rice vinager

1 teaspoon of powder ginger (if you have the real thing, even better!)

1 tablespoon of orange marmalade (optional, I’ve done this marinade several times without it, and it still turns out awesome!)

I put the marinade in a large zip-lock with chunks of pork tenderloin that I had stabbed with a fork to soak up all the juices! The pork ended up marinading in the fridge for about 6 hours before being cooked on the grill. The flavor was awesome, and my girlfriend told me she and her husband liked it and the kids wanted seconds:) Everyone loves a good BBQ! And ’tis the season! Cheers!

Heaven is for Real!

2011
04.17

http://www.amazon.com/Heaven-Real-Little-Astounding-Story/dp/0849946158

My new favorite book! I’ve never been this excited about Heaven, before!

As a child, I remember first learning about Heaven and the fact that it was eternal. I honestly thought, “Won’t I get bored?” What kept me from being scared of this eternity was a comforting thought, “Maybe if I asked really nicely, God would let me go back to earth!” And that’s how I went on my merry, little way, because a place without a time-line scared me!

Heaven has always been something I felt I believed in, but tried not to think too much about.

Skipping ahead several years, and experiencing the death of our daughter, was the first time I ever remember wanting to be in Heaven. Not because I wanted to experience Heaven, but because I wanted so badly to be wherever Bennett was! I could relate so deeply to Elizabeth Edwards telling Oprah she no longer feared death after losing her son–death would mean an incredible reunion!

But, for the first time ever in my life, I am truly excited about Heaven. After reading this little boy’s incredible journey to Heaven, and back, I know without a doubt, Bennett really is in a much better place! She’s playing with other children, laughing with our grandparents, and sitting with Jesus!

I highly, highly recommend this book! It’s a quick read, filled with so many warm-fuzzy-moments! It also answered questions for me like, “how the heck to a grapple with the trinity?!” So hard for me to wrap my brain around that one, but this little boy made it so simple. “Heaven is for Real,” brought an overwhelming amount of comfort to me this Easter Season. If you’ve lost a loved one, this book is for you!

The Dreaded Holiday

2011
04.07

I’ve been super exhausted and even more emotional than usual…even those stupid Folgers commercials can get me doing the ugly cry! And while a day has yet to go by in 2 1/2 years, that I don’t miss Bennett, my heart has been aching much more than just  “miss.”

And it hit me this week: Easter.

As a girly, girl, infatuated with pink, sparkles and boys (specifically a boy name Lee, these days!), I’ve always wanted a daughter! A little girl I could dress in pink, play Barbies with, come up with unending reasons to use glitter, and sing along to the latest boy-band craze! We’d read stories like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, and I’d share my Prince Charming, because she was sure to be a daddy’s girl! Of course I knew the reality of having a girl wouldn’t always be perfect, but it was my dream!

When Lee and I learned we were pregnant in the Spring of ’08, I was convinced I was having a boy! I wanted a girl more than anything, ever, and just couldn’t let myself get my hopes up! I just thought for sure, as much as I wouldn’t know what the heck to do with a boy (snakes, dirt, rocks, etc.), I was probably having one just for those very reasons!

And then a miracle happened: the woman told us our baby was a girl!! I sobbed tears of joy! And of course immediately began planning our future around our sweet baby girl, Bennett! Including Easter dresses! Nothing is more adorable than a little princess in her Easter Sunday best!

….every holiday without her is tough. But this one, for me, is the toughest. Christmas I can focus on Lee, Brighton and others, Valentines Day (my favorite holiday!) I can focus on Lee, Mother’s Day I can focus on the child I do have here on earth, Brighton. But these last few Easters, I can fake like I’m a faithful Christian, hopeful that because of what Jesus did, I get to see my sweet girl again someday, but that’s not how I truly feel. Instead I’m devastated that Bennett’s Easter dress isn’t hanging neatly in her closet. I would have already tried it on her at least three times!

I love, love Brighton with all that I am! And I’m so, so thankful to be sharing life with my soul-mate. But, I want my girl, too! As I watch Brighton play, now, I can see how Bennett would fit right in as the helpful big sister. Playing right along with him, constantly stealing a kiss and a squeeze!

I’m trying to give myself a break, and just be, as we approach Easter. Grief doesn’t seem to have a specific time-line. I suppose it’s okay, I like the idea of forever loving Bennett.

Parmesean-Stuffed Chicken Breast

2011
04.06

It really doesn’t get any easier than this!: chicken breasts, fresh Parmesan cheese, dill, and salt and pepper.

Another incredible “Today Show” inspired dinner! (Side note, great recipe ideas on that show every morning–I always make them my own based on what I have in my kitchen.)

I sliced open two chicken breasts and laid 3 pieces of fresh Parmesan inside each one, (I think grated Parmesan would work just as well, it all melts the same, right?),  then sprinkled a bit of dill (about a 1/2 tsp each).  Next, I folded the breast half back over and added a bit of salt and pepper! After heating a small amount of olive oil in a frying pan, I laid the breasts in to cook and placed a lid on top! I turned after about 5 minutes, and rotated again two more times, until breasts were fully cooked! I was actually surprised how fast they cooked, and cooked them a little longer than I should have! Next time I won’t question the quick cooking time, and pull them off the heat sooner!

I served with garlic-roasted broccoli and asparagus and of course, a salad (Lee’s favorite, ha!). Lee and Brighton both loved the chicken! I will definitely be doing this again, soon!

My Favorite Asian Chicken Marinade

2011
03.27

If it’s Asian or Mexican, I’ll eat it! I’ve always been a HUGE fan of both ethnic genres! Unfortunately, our move from Seattle to Sun Valley meant an emotional break-up with Pho, Thai, Teriyaki, Chinese, and sushi (that one due to the incredible expense, it’s actually really good here, but way too much if you’re a commoner). Fortunately, the Mexican food here is to die for!

All that being said, in order to get my Asian fix, I’ve  become BFF’s with the only Asian here, (LOVE you, Tai!), and learned to cook my favorite dishes!

I put together this marinade a couple years ago, and it’s quickly become a staple for an easy BBQ chicken or stir fry night:

In a glass pan marinate 2 chicken breasts with: about a tablespoon of sesame oil, 2 tablespoons of rice vinegar, about a tablespoon of agave syrup, (you could substitute sugar), 2 tablespoons of soy sauce, a tsp of garlic, and a tsp of ginger. Stab chicken repeatedly to make sure it’s super tender and soaks up all the marinade!

I try to put this together in the morning or early afternoon, so the chicken as time to really be amazing! On Saturday we sliced, and stir fried with red and green peppers, asparagus, broccoli, mushrooms and onions and served with brown rice (that I had cooked with chicken broth, white wine, Johnny’s Seasoning and red pepper flakes).

You can easily throw it on the grill for a great BBQ chicken!

If you are fortunate enough to live close to Asian cuisine, don’t take it for granted:)

Birthday Cards

2011
03.22

I love cards…they’re probably my favorite part about every holiday! Lee and I can never decide on just one card, so typically we give each other, like 4 for each holiday, birthday and anniversary! I love all cards, pink and sparkles being among the top, as well as humor! Love, love, love getting a chuckle out of a good card! Some years, Lee hasn’t found just the right one(s), so he’s resorted to making his own–those are too inappropriate to share publicly!

This year, one of my most favorite cards, was from Lee: “Hope this birthday is the most exhilarating experience of your life!……..kind of like having an orgasm while eating chocolate in the middle of a shoe sale!

HA!

Another Super Easy, 2 Ingredient Crock Pot Dinner!

2011
03.22

This one I can’t take credit for–I saw a segment on the Today Show a few weeks back that was highlighting easy crock pot meals. I don’t remember exactly how this one was done, so I improvised last week. We loved it, and ate again tonight for dinner!

I put about a 10 ounce chunk of pork tenderloin into the crock pot on low, with about a cup of orange juice and a half of can of whole cranberry sauce (I stuck the other half in the freezer for another dinner;)).

About 15 minutes before we were ready to eat, I poured the juice into a small sauce pan, and left the pork in the crock pot. I simmered the sauce until thick, and served over the pork. So, so, so good!

Most Flavorful/Best Mashed Potatoes (Read NOT fat-free!)

2011
03.19

As I rule, I don’t like potatoes. That includes mashed…they’re just too bland for me. I’ve always skipped the mash-potato pass during the big Thanksgiving Feast. I typically will eat whatever is served to me, however, on Thanksgiving, I’ve been routinely blessed with an abundance of great foods and just haven’t wanted to waste the calories.

Having said all of this, my husband loves mashed potatoes. In all our 5+ years of being married, I had never once, made them for him! I felt a bit guilty, and decided this past January to make them for him–my way, of course! They turned out great! Lee loved them–helping himself to 3 portions. I tried again this past week (mashed potatoes typically are not low-cal, so I don’t want to over-do the treat, as I have chubs issues), but added a couple tweaks, and was very pleased with the results! Nothing would make me happier, than you enjoying the same mashed-goodness!

As always, measurements are approximate:

I peeled, quartered and boiled 4 baker potatoes (obviously from Idaho, but that goes without saying;)). Leaving fairly large chunks, I chopped up (approximately) 1/3 of a yellow onion and added to the boiling potatoes. Using our salt grinder, I sprinkled some sea-salt. While potatoes are boiling, I sliced 3 green onions and set aside in a large mixing bowl. Once potatoes are really soft, I strained, and dumped into the large mixing bowl with sliced green onions. I added 1 tablespoons of butter, 1/4 cup of milk, and a 1/4 cup of sourcream! I mixed/mashed potatoes and soft yellow onion using an electric mixer. Once mostly mixed, I added several sprinkles of Johnny’s Seasoning (about 2 tsps), (salt and pepper could be a great substitute), 2 tsps of minced garlic, and about 1 tsp of garlic power. I mixed again using the electric mixer until smooth. Taste, and add additional seasonings as needed. In my case, it was perfect! Obviously these mashed potatoes aren’t for the traditional, completely smooth, bland potato-lover, because there will be a bit of texture with the green onions and soft yellow onion chunks. But I thought it added so much flavor and a lot of color for presentation!

The mashed potatoes were a great side to the pork I had in the crock pot with a citrus/cranberry glaze.

I hope you love the new, improved, mashed-way of eating potatoes as much as we did!

Today is Working for Me!

2011
03.17

Today is St. Patrick’s Day! And the green I own is limited to a pair of green sweatpants!…This means, I’m rocking sweats all-day 100% guilt-free!

Brighton on the other-hand is ever so handsome in his green-polo and khaki’s.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!